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Showing posts with label WTF?. Show all posts
Showing posts with label WTF?. Show all posts
Saturday, November 19, 2011
Beastly Butt Odor?
Doc bottoms Aspray the all over body deodorant that stops odors causing bacteria in their tracks! Use on feet and pits even down below. 100% natural fragrance free..Pungent pits, foul feet, beastly butt odor....how do you stop the stink? Aspray is safe for all your odor zones!
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
35 Truisms?
Somebody sent me these and some are pretty funny, although some are old and maybe you've seen most of them (uncredited on people's Facebook statuses for the most part). But still... laugh damn you! Laugh like the wind! (or steal them for your Facebook status and act like you made them up... they still beat "TGIF!" and "I hate Mondays")
1. There is a great need for a sarcasm font.
2. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.
3. Bad decisions make good stories.
4. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
5. I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.
6. The only time I look forward to a red light is when I'm trying to finish a text.
7. The letters T and G are very close to each other on a keyboard. This recently became all too apparent to me and consequently I will never be ending a work email with the phrase "Regards" again
8. A recent study has shown that playing beer pong contributes to the spread of mono and the flu. Yeah, if you suck at it.
9. Was learning cursive really necessary?
10. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
11. Answering the same letter three times or more in a row on a Scantron test is absolutely petrifying.
12. Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart", all I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart".
13. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up to prevent a dick from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers!
14. Every time I have to spell a word over the phone using 'as in' examples, I will undoubtedly draw a blank and sound like a complete idiot. Today I had to spell my boss's last name to an attorney and said "Yes that's G as in...(10 second lapse)..ummm...Goonies"
15. What would happen if I hired two private investigators to follow each other?
16. While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and instinctively swerved to avoid it... thanks Mario Kart.
17. MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
18. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
19. I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the shower first and THEN turn on the water.
20. Whenever I'm Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their profile is public I feel like a kid on Christmas morning who just got the Red Ryder BB gun that I always wanted. 546 pictures? Don't mind if I do!
21. If Carmen San Diego and Waldo ever got together, their offspring would probably just be completely invisible.
22. Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous? I know my name, I know where I'm from, this shouldn't be a problem....
23. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you've made up your mind that you just aren't doing anything productive for the rest of the day.
24. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don't want to have to restart my collection.
25. There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.
26. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.
27. "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this, ever.
28. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.
29. I like all of the music in my iPod, except when it's on shuffle, then I like about one in every fifteen songs.
30. Why is a school zone 15 mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for pedophiles...
31. As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
32. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
33. It should probably be called Unplanned Parenthood.
34. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
35. I think that if, years down the road when I'm trying to have a kid, I find out that I'm sterile, most of my disappointment will stem from the fact that I was not aware of my condition in college, when I could have enjoyed it.
1. There is a great need for a sarcasm font.
2. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.
3. Bad decisions make good stories.
4. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
5. I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.
6. The only time I look forward to a red light is when I'm trying to finish a text.
7. The letters T and G are very close to each other on a keyboard. This recently became all too apparent to me and consequently I will never be ending a work email with the phrase "Regards" again
8. A recent study has shown that playing beer pong contributes to the spread of mono and the flu. Yeah, if you suck at it.
9. Was learning cursive really necessary?
10. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
11. Answering the same letter three times or more in a row on a Scantron test is absolutely petrifying.
12. Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart", all I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart".
13. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up to prevent a dick from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers!
14. Every time I have to spell a word over the phone using 'as in' examples, I will undoubtedly draw a blank and sound like a complete idiot. Today I had to spell my boss's last name to an attorney and said "Yes that's G as in...(10 second lapse)..ummm...Goonies"
15. What would happen if I hired two private investigators to follow each other?
16. While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and instinctively swerved to avoid it... thanks Mario Kart.
17. MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
18. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
19. I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the shower first and THEN turn on the water.
20. Whenever I'm Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their profile is public I feel like a kid on Christmas morning who just got the Red Ryder BB gun that I always wanted. 546 pictures? Don't mind if I do!
21. If Carmen San Diego and Waldo ever got together, their offspring would probably just be completely invisible.
22. Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous? I know my name, I know where I'm from, this shouldn't be a problem....
23. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you've made up your mind that you just aren't doing anything productive for the rest of the day.
24. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don't want to have to restart my collection.
25. There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.
26. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.
27. "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this, ever.
28. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.
29. I like all of the music in my iPod, except when it's on shuffle, then I like about one in every fifteen songs.
30. Why is a school zone 15 mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for pedophiles...
31. As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
32. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
33. It should probably be called Unplanned Parenthood.
34. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
35. I think that if, years down the road when I'm trying to have a kid, I find out that I'm sterile, most of my disappointment will stem from the fact that I was not aware of my condition in college, when I could have enjoyed it.
Friday, September 16, 2011
Yes Virginia, There Is a Toe Suck Fairy
Arkansas town searching for toe-sucking assailant
LITTLE ROCK, Arkansas (Reuters) - There's nothing illegal about a foot fetish but police in Conway, Arkansas, are looking for a toe-sucking man they said has crossed the line into assault.
Police have received two complaints in the past week about a man who seems desperate to suck women's toes -- whether they want him to or not.
"We want him off the streets," said Conway police spokeswoman LaTresha Woodruff.
Last Saturday, Ruth Harris, 83, told police she was sitting in a chair in front of her apartment when a man approached and said he liked her feet. According to a police report, the man took off one of her shoes and began sucking on her toe.
"The man then asked if he could kiss her and she had told him no and told him he was crazy," the report stated.
The man left quickly after people walked into the apartment complex's courtyard.
On Tuesday, police received another call from a woman who said that on Saturday she was shopping when she noticed a man staring at her.
The man then told the woman that he had a foot fetish and that "her toes are so long and succulent" and he wanted to suck them. When the woman's cell phone rang, the man retreated.
She told police the man had "messed up toes."
It is not the first time that Conway has dealt with this sort of complaint. In the 1990s, a man who was known as the "Toe Suck Fairy" kept Arkansans captivated with his foot fondling antics in Conway and Little Rock.
That assailant, Michael Robert Wyatt, pretended to be a podiatrist in order to fondle and suck a Conway woman's toes at a clothing store. He received probation, a fine and court-ordered therapy but his probation was revoked after he was arrested in another town on similar charges.
In 1991, he was convicted of making threats for telling a convenience store clerk that he wanted to cut off her feet and suck her toes while she bled to death.
Wyatt was sentenced to four years in state prison. He served just more than one year in prison, according to Conway police.
Some two decades later, police have not ruled out the possibility that the current toe-sucker could be the same man.
(Edited by Karen Brooks, Greg McCune and Bill Trott)
LITTLE ROCK, Arkansas (Reuters) - There's nothing illegal about a foot fetish but police in Conway, Arkansas, are looking for a toe-sucking man they said has crossed the line into assault.
Police have received two complaints in the past week about a man who seems desperate to suck women's toes -- whether they want him to or not.
"We want him off the streets," said Conway police spokeswoman LaTresha Woodruff.
Last Saturday, Ruth Harris, 83, told police she was sitting in a chair in front of her apartment when a man approached and said he liked her feet. According to a police report, the man took off one of her shoes and began sucking on her toe.
"The man then asked if he could kiss her and she had told him no and told him he was crazy," the report stated.
The man left quickly after people walked into the apartment complex's courtyard.
On Tuesday, police received another call from a woman who said that on Saturday she was shopping when she noticed a man staring at her.
The man then told the woman that he had a foot fetish and that "her toes are so long and succulent" and he wanted to suck them. When the woman's cell phone rang, the man retreated.
She told police the man had "messed up toes."
It is not the first time that Conway has dealt with this sort of complaint. In the 1990s, a man who was known as the "Toe Suck Fairy" kept Arkansans captivated with his foot fondling antics in Conway and Little Rock.
That assailant, Michael Robert Wyatt, pretended to be a podiatrist in order to fondle and suck a Conway woman's toes at a clothing store. He received probation, a fine and court-ordered therapy but his probation was revoked after he was arrested in another town on similar charges.
In 1991, he was convicted of making threats for telling a convenience store clerk that he wanted to cut off her feet and suck her toes while she bled to death.
Wyatt was sentenced to four years in state prison. He served just more than one year in prison, according to Conway police.
Some two decades later, police have not ruled out the possibility that the current toe-sucker could be the same man.
(Edited by Karen Brooks, Greg McCune and Bill Trott)
Thursday, September 8, 2011
Best Buy Offers Points For Promiscuity
Wait... what? Yep, I'm a Silver Reward Zone member at Best Buy and I just got this email, where they offer me bonus award points on my card for sleeping around. No joke.
See for yourself:
Discover more partners? You've got some nerve! If I "use" 5 or more women like the one pictured I can get 2,500 extra points?!?! This seems a bit over-the-top. I'll just stay with my current partner and earn points at a regular pace, but thanks anyway though Best Buy. Whore.
See for yourself:
Discover more partners? You've got some nerve! If I "use" 5 or more women like the one pictured I can get 2,500 extra points?!?! This seems a bit over-the-top. I'll just stay with my current partner and earn points at a regular pace, but thanks anyway though Best Buy. Whore.
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